nurturing self-trust
“Nurturing self-trust is an extrinsic process, offered by others to support the woman. This involves explicitly telling a woman that she is the expert, and her knowledge and wishes are more important than those of any care providers.” - Dr. Rachel Reed
How often are you told that YOU’RE the expert around your health and wellbeing? I bet the answer is “rarely” or “never.” It becomes even more rare when you are pregnant. We are confronted by a long line of providers and test after test all questioning the functionality of our bodies. Is it any wonder we doubt what our bodies are capable of?
Recently I was rereading the diary I kept during my own pregnancy and I found this entry from shortly after my 8-week ultrasound -
“I think the reason I’ve been feeling so weird about the pregnancy is that I was so convinced something would be wrong. I was almost convinced that there was no baby and I was actually going to be dying of a tumor or something. Even after seeing the ultrasound it still doesn’t feel real somehow. The nurse called today and said all the screenings they did at my appointment came back negative. Now that I know nothing’s wrong, I don’t know what to feel. I was so ready to feel scared or sick that I’m not quite prepared to be excited.”
How was I so misled into doubting what I knew to be true? We have been so conditioned into mistrusting our bodies and believing what the “experts” tell us. There are many kinds of experts in birth. Obstetricians are most often experts in medically-managed, surgical, and high-risk birth. Midwives are most often experts in physiological, low-risk birth. Doulas are considered experts at offering emotional, physical, and informational support.
When it really comes down to it, no one will ever know your body better than you. Here are a few practices you can bring into your day-to-day life to come back to trusting your body.
Body scan meditation. Find a quiet space. Sit or lie down as you are comfortable. Begin with some diaphragmatic breathing. Then bring attention to one body part at a time, noticing all the sensations around it. Some like to start at their head and work down, others start at their feet and work up. If you’re having trouble getting started, search around on YouTube for a guide.
Use labels. Start labeling emotions, feelings, and sensations. Are you happy? Angry? If something is painful, get specific. Is it burning? Tearing? You might find that it’s not actually painful. It might be pressure or stretching. When this becomes easier, you can also start asking yourself if this is a gut reaction and a conditioned response? Consider documenting your feelings and reactions so you can dig deeper at another time.
Find a mantra. You might also call it an affirmation. Be intentional about which sort of phrase you choose. At first you might want to write it out on post-it notes and put it in places you’ll see it often, like on your computer, refrigerator, or bathroom mirror. When you see it, repeat it 5-10 times out loud. Say it before you go to sleep or when you’re taking care of household tasks. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
“I trust my body.”
“My body will tell me what it needs.”
“I already have everything I need to birth my baby.”
“I am the expert on my body and my baby.”
Intentional movement. Keeping up an exercise regimen during pregnancy is never a bad idea. It’s also okay to scale back and focus on simple, intentional movements instead of running marathons or maxing out weights. Give yoga a try. Or if that feels like too much, set aside 5-10 minutes in the morning or before bedtime for some light stretching and diaphragmatic breathing. Whatever exercise you choose to do, bring more attention to your movements. How does it feel when you flex your bicep? What about when you stretch your hamstring? Use those labels I mentioned earlier. Is it a stretch? Burn? Tear? If you get to the point of true pain, that’s your signal to scale back.
Connect with nature. One of the best ways to tap into the primal, animal part of your brain is to put yourself in a primal, animal environment. Walking barefoot in the grass; pulling weeds or tending a garden; and immersing yourself in a natural body of water like a lake or river are all simple ways to get more connected to the earth and your body. If it’s cold or snowy, try getting outside to watch the sunrise or sunset. And if you’re not too grown-up, play in the snow!
As my parting thought, I want to remind you that YOU are the expert on your body, and your baby.
